I took a body to the beach
I swear it was not mine
The costume, well, it used to fit
I should have taken that as a sign
I’d really worked so hard
To get myself in shape
Perhaps I really should not have had
That last slice of chocolate cake
Me toes are now all wrinkled
I’ve got sand right up me bum
Me face has gone bright cherry red
I look just like a plum
Me beach ball has deflated
Me sandcastle washed away
The seagulls nicked me fish and chips
Right from off me tray
Me deckchair has collapsed
Me windbreaks in the breeze
Me towel fell right off me back
When me trunks were at me knees
I lay down on me sunbed
To have a little sleep
The kids they covered me in sand
And now I’ve lost me teeth
We’ll go and get some candyfloss
And go onto the fair
A big ice cream along the front
And get us some fresh air
I really hate the seaside
But the grandkids shout and cheer
We’ve had a lovely week Grandad
Can we come back next year.
PJ.
© 2023
“Seaside” is a delightful poem that captures the quintessential British seaside experience with a humorous twist. The narrator recounts a day at the beach filled with mishaps and minor disasters, from deflated beach balls to seagull-stolen chips. Despite the comical setbacks, there’s an undeniable charm in the way the poem portrays the resilience of beachgoers, ending with the grandchildren’s enthusiasm for a return visit next year.
This poem is part of Peter J. Watson’s collection “Daftness and Other Afflictions,” a book that brings together a variety of witty, observant, and sometimes poignant verses about everyday life. Watson’s keen eye for the absurd and his ability to find humor in the mundane shines through in this and other poems in the collection. If you enjoy poetry that makes you chuckle while nodding in recognition, you might want to give this book a try.