Elvis
I have a lovely friendWho is so obsessed with ElvisShe tells me it’s about the voiceNot all about the pelvis His voice is so etherealHe always makes me moanHe hasn’t left the building thoughHe’s an alien, he’s gone home PJ.©…
Avoid the Saintly
– Beware the friend who’s holier than thou The one who thinks you’re a miserable cow – Forever cheerful, bright and breezy She can’t take grief it makes her queasy – Given news of the old and infirm She’s there…
Queen’s English
A woman on the radio said anus loud and clear, In truth she’d said another word that slipped right past my ear. Her gist was of one’s burden, re-tuned my sense of hearing. For the onus was on me to…
It Sucks
I wannabe a writer, earning megabucks But when I look at what I wrote I think ‘Oh Christ it sucks.’ I could do with a new angle, a large vocabulary Some cool subject matter that’s not about me. — An…
The Turkey’s in the Coal Bunker
It was early on Christmas day morning that I saw her write the note. She was sitting down at the kitchen table her eyes screwed up. She would normally put on her glasses when writing, but today she was behaving…
T’Poet
Another poet from YorkshireWhat’s gone wrong with the bloody placeWe’re meant to be dour and taciturnNot emoting all over the place They’ve gone an made this un t’laureateHe says he don’t care ’bout the moneyNow listen lad tha’s from YorkshireSaying…
Flip
Roll up, roll up and play the gameGood luck is at your sidePlace your bet, make your choiceCheck out or let it rideYou think that you are in controlBut the Fates they will decide. FLIP. LIFE – is just a…
Pam and Vera
Polythene Pam and Vinyl VeraTwo old birds from a different eraPretty young things from the age of punkBrassy and sassy and permanently drunkGrey haired now, and in a permanent funk Swore they’d live very different livesYet both ended up as…
Goosed
Christmas is coming and the Goose is getting fatI looked into the mirror and said,Well, that is just a factMy doctor said it’s serious,that I should really lose some weightSo, this year I’m going to havejust sprouts upon me plateAnd…
Sweet Talk
Tastebuds are tingling with flavours on tongueAnd mouth-watering nectar swills round.Salivating juices already begunAs melliferous ambrosials are found. Caramels, butterscotch, Turkish Delights,Fondants and icing on cakes,A gratifying pleasure, a nectariferous of measure,A passion one never need fake. Grand summer puddings,…